I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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