I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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