How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My balls are so social today.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You took a bar mat shot.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
