I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
