I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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