He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
