Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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