man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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