the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
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Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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