I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
