I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
