I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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