did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
