dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
