I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
