So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
