just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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