his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
