At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
