I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
