I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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