Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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