Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
