So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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