Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
