I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
