I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
