I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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