if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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