I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
