I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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