I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
