I feel great
I just peed on a car
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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