Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Church boner. Awkwardddd
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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