I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.