M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation