Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once