And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?