I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
