Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
