I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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