well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize