pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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