Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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