Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Porn is love you can see.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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