She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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