He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i believe in u and ur pee
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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