Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
one might say we're banned from that church
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
