Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
