Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
