I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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