They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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