why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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