Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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