If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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