i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
