I faked an abortion last night.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
