dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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