Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
