i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize