She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
