why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
