I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
