It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
