I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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