and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
