So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
