im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
