when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
