just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found puke in my bra..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
