I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
