Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
