if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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