We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
