The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
