i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
