I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
