My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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